Recently, Partners With Parents has seen a increase in the demand for private tutoring for use as part of a homeschooling program. In the past, homeschooling has had a reputation as a “solution” for parents who differed religiously or disagreed philosophically with how their kids were being taught in school. Now, particularly in places like New York City, there is a new group of parents who want, need, and are finding the vast benefits of homeschooling programs for kids with learning disabilities.

There is a lot to be said for the advantages of socialization in school and for the theory that having all different kinds of kids and abilities in a classroom is a good thing for all involved. I agree. My point in suggesting a short term homeschooling program is to save kids from acute stress — and that is what many with undiagnosed or newly diagnosed learning disabilities are experiencing.  This is especially true if they are in schools that aren’t appropriate for their needs or if their leaning difficulties are also accompanied by emotional, psychological, or physical issues. The fact is that a stressed child is using all of his or her capabilities to cope, not to learn. Changing the environment and social stresses can make all the difference if it is done well and gracefully.

If you think such a change might be beneficial to your child, consider:

1) Does your child complain about school, fear it, pretend to be ill, or otherwise avoid going to school?

2) Can you clearly see your child likes and wants to learn but is just in the wrong environment?

3) Can your child’s school make the accommodations necessary to help your child learn and function socially, in the near term?  Do they have the capacity to include you in a plan to implement changes for your child based on his/her emerging needs?

4) Do you question whether the school you chose was the right one for your current situation?  Is it too late to put your child somewhere else this year or do you worry that he/she can’t get into the school that is a better fit?

5) Can you envision your child connecting with one or two teachers/tutors in your home and getting to study more of what he/she likes and in ways that fit his/her learning needs? Would that be a good thing at this stage?

Depending on your answers to these questions, it might be time to consider a short stint of homeschooling, giving everyone a breather. Kids may need that emotional break, a respite from feeling like they are failing (often socially as well as academically). They need to find their natural love of learning, and discover the strategies that work for them.  Parents and guardians need a moment to get their bearings and figure out what is best for the whole family.  Logistically, it takes time to find and apply to the right schools even if you know that school is the place you ultimately want your child.  While, short term homeschooling may not be the solution, it may just be the right fit at the right time.

Here are the things that we, at Partners With Parents, look for when hiring tutors and selecting candidates to meet specific client requests:

• Knowledge of the Subject – Obvious?  Well, yes.  You should certainly make sure that your tutor is knowledgeable in the subject he or she is about to teach your child.  Beware, however, that credentials alone do not tell the whole story.  I had a Nobel Prize winning chemistry professor in college who couldn’t convey the basic concepts in Chemistry 101.  He was one of the worst teachers I have ever had.
• Experience with students in similar situations – The ideal would be a tutor who has successfully worked with students in the same class at the same school with the same teacher.  In general, you can feel encouraged if they have been effective with other students of the same age, in the same subject.

• Ability to build rapport – This is where the tutor’s personality comes in.  Will your child respond well to the tutor?  This should not be confused with: Will your child like the tutor?  Some children respond to humor, others to knowledge of basketball, and others to a firm hand and clear boundaries.  Before hiring a tutor, consider the qualities that he or she should possess in order to create an effective partnership with your child.

• Versatility/Flexibility – A tutor must be able to teach a concept in many different ways.  The beauty of the one on one tutoring situation is that lessons can be tailored to an individual student’s learning style; if a given concept is not getting through, the tutor should be able to change the lesson plan midstream to tap into the way that the student learns best.

• Ability to motivate – You or your child may know what it takes to motivate him or her.  Enthusiasm for the subject matter?  Rewards?  Consequences for poor performance?  Different tutors have different strengths in this arena, whether it means creating a strong mentoring bond, developing techniques to keep your child on task, or simply facilitating your child’s independent drive.

• Values your time as well as their own – You want a tutor who is generous with their time but not overly so.  If you are paying for an hour of tutoring you should expect your tutor to be ready to work at the start of the hour.  You should not expect them to stay beyond the allotted time, since if they are good at what they do, they are likely to have another session following yours. (But they should certainly be willing to schedule a time to update you and discuss any concerns you might have.)

• Good communication – Are they easily reachable?  Do they respond to e-mails/phone calls promptly?  When responding, are they thorough?  Do you sense that they will speak candidly about your child’s progress rather than telling you what you want to hear?

In the end, tutors’ experiences, personalities and teaching techniques are wide and varied.  The key is to determine the qualities that will most benefit your child.   Make a hypothesis about what those qualities are and ask your children for their input.  Interview several tutors and have a few sessions with the one that meets your criteria most closely.  If it doesn’t feel like a good fit, don’t be afraid to try someone else.  You may find fabulous tutors that aren’t quite right.  It may take a little trial and error but you’ll know when you’ve found the right one.

“Does my child need help?”  It’s one of the most challenging questions we face in supporting our kids’ development.  We watch rising and falling grades, the roller coaster of emotion, peer relationships, shifting interests and activities, and so on, all in hopes of truly knowing our children and providing them with what they need.  Still, our doubts nag us: Is he really doing okay?  Is she truly happy? If we suspect all is not well, the question becomes: What can I do about it?  It can be difficult to tell if a child needs more help than is being provided.  Rare is the pre-adolescent who says to his dad over the breakfast cereal box “I’d like to retain a learning specialist to guide me through the murky waters of my teenage years.”   This leaves parents to sift through the sometimes subtle, sometimes overt, clues in their children’s behavior.

Stacey Goldberg of Star Educational Consulting points out that “A child’s self-esteem is typically the first to go when a child is struggling in school (and the hardest to regain), so if your child is feeling down on him or herself, or like he or she can’t keep up with peers, it might be time to call a professional.”

Further, neuropsychologist Dr. Barbara Kenner guides us to “think holistically, since a presenting weakness may actually be secondary to an underlying problem . . . A child who is acting out, not doing his or her work, or appears to have low self-esteem may actually be struggling with an underlying learning disability.  An evaluation will help clarify a child’s strengths and weaknesses, as well as provide a guide for treatment possibilities.”

Experts say the best rule of thumb is to keep loving your kid while staying attuned to cues from the educational professionals to whom you have entrusted your child at school.  As Ms. Goldberg points out, “Whereas parents of a pre-school child should be somewhat vigilant about involving professionals when their child is not reaching early milestones, parents of school age children are not necessarily the best assessors of how their child is performing in school.”

Since parents cannot always maintain an impartial viewpoint when it comes to the challenges their children meet in life, relying on the school for additional perspective is an important means of finding some counterbalance.  Theresa Peduto, educational consultant and co-chair of SPINS (Student and Parents Information Network Support) indicates “If parents feel that there are clear gaps in their child’s development, they should speak to the school to gain the school’s insight and seek an evaluation.”

Many a NYC parent has encountered what can feel like a frenetic educational environment.  Many children are receiving test preparation, enrichment tutoring and a plethora of supplemental activities, though designing unwarranted interventions can do more harm than good.  “Children read situations well, and sticking a learning specialist on your child without solicitation can read ‘I don’t think you can handle your work on your own,’” points out Ms. Goldberg.  Over-programming can lead to stress, while putting the right support in place can alleviate stress.  A child that is expressing concern or shows symptoms of declining self-esteem should be monitored and communication with his or her teachers is warranted.

The partnership between parents and schools over the past few years has improved dramatically, with communication beginning to flow both ways.  Ilene Rothschild, Learning Specialist at Horace Mann Upper School, states that “Parents know their kids best,” and that as a parent you add depth to your knowledge when you “watch your child and get feedback from your pediatrician, counselor, teachers, and coaches about your child’s development.”  In the same way, Ms. Rothschild indicates that “Schools more and more are consulting with parents before referring a child for an evaluation.”

If the school and the parent share the view that the child is continuing to show significant signs of frustration, it’s time to form a triangle with a third party support mechanism.  Ms. Rothschild says “Families should meet with schools to determine what steps can happen before an evaluation is recommended and  to learn what resources are available both from the school and community.  Parents should take advantage of these resources and give it a bit of time.”  It’s possible that some simple academic support is all that’s needed.

When preliminary actions still seem to lead to in-depth evaluation, Dr. Kenner’s inductive approach remains crucial to arriving at the source of the problem and accessing the correct help.  “It is important to determine whether this is a primary disorder, or secondary to, for example, a learning disability, speech and language issues, sensory processing weaknesses, or a mood disorder, each of which requires a different set of interventions.”

In sum, if you suspect your child is struggling, speak with the pro’s at his or her school whose job it is to know.  With an effective partnership formed among parents, school, and support professionals, Ms. Peduto reminds us that “the students that have their learning issues clearly identified can address learning in a creative way and this will prevent frustration and allow for academic growth.  These are kids that are often very creative and will succeed in life, but need alternatives to the status quo of learning.”

After putting the right kind of support in place, parents can answer those nagging questions in the affirmative:  Yes, my child is happy.  He’s really doing okay.