For the beginning of the school year a few years ago, Partners With Parents wrote an article for NY Metro Parent about when and how to be involved in your child’s homework and academic life.  In the article, and in our workshops based on the same concepts, we provide a structure for parents to help their children take ownership of their learning.  While the framework has infinite variants based on each student’s and family’s unique circumstances, it loosely breaks down into the following steps:

• Setting goals
• Taking action
• Assessing progress
• Producing results

In essence, we’re talking about the skills that fall under the umbrella of “executive functioning” — the cognitive processes that we use every day to make decisions, accomplish tasks, and plan the future.  Ultimately, we all want our kids to become independent, self-motivated adults who accomplish “whatever they put their mind to.”

Read the full article: http://nymetroparents.com/newarticle.cfm?colid=7919

Whether what’s called for is a little support or what’s needed is full-blown, “executive functioning” skills training, our academic coaches, learning specialists, and tutors can help chart the path forward, setting up your family for a successful academic year!  Call us at (212) 928-5014 or e-mail us.

I know that parents are the most important teachers, whether we like it or not, so it’s on me to pass these values along. But, I will be honest, I bristle at the notion of making up a community service project and “doing it,” rather than living as someone who serves my community.  What I really want to teach my children  is to become people who see being of service as part of their daily lives.   Recently, a neighbor’s experience crystallized things for me. . .

Last week, my neighbor, with whom my children and I interact frequently, confided in me that her two year old son has been diagnosed with PDD, which is on the autism spectrum. It was such a revelation. Suddenly—and if you are a parent with a child who finally got the right diagnosis, you understand—so much made sense. What an odd mixture of feelings I felt from her and for her: relief at understanding her son’s behaviors, fear about what this would mean for her and his life, questions like “What do we do now?” and “How can we help?

I teach and want to focus on the positive, so I stopped right there. In the midst of all the other emotions, I feel a tiny bit grateful to have been offered the opportunity to authentically serve our community, and teach my children while I am at it. How can we help best? Intending to find out, I’ve asked my neighbor to invite me AND MY CHILDREN (who interact with her son regularly) to the next home meeting with their therapists and advisors. There, together, as a community, we will learn how to help this little boy and his parents.

How to be of service to the community is one of the most important life skills you can teach your children. And believe me when I say that the experiences that result will be among the most enjoyable and fulfilling that you and your child have together. Absolutely everybody wins! As you look for a meaningful community service outlet for your children, please consider:

1) What will your child authentically connect to? There are literally thousands of ways to be of service—maybe it’s working with animals, caring for the sick and disabled, raising money a cause, or using technology to raise awareness.

2) Who needs help that is near by? Trying looking for things you can do “locally.” This will allow your child to see the positive results of his or her efforts, reinforcing the values you are trying to instill.

3) Will you join in yourself? Your children are learning everything from watching you, and, for good or for bad, kids do what their parents DO, not what they say or teach.

Happy helping!

Laurie

Owner, Partners With Parents

Interestingly enough, the other parents who I have chosen to spend most of my time with are not quite so permissive.  Most of the time we can see eye to eye.  It’s not so hard when we’re outdoors (It’s not like I let my son run in the street or anything), but when we’re in one of our homes, it can be a bit more tricky.  Do I tell my son that it’s okay to bang or climb the furniture or walk around with spatula in hand and bucket on head in our home but not in others?  You bet.  Do I spend a lot of time deflecting what is perceived as “bad behavior?”  You bet.  Is it worth it?  You bet.  Do I think that my son gets it now?  If he did, he’d be a truly astounding 18-month old.  But, I live with the hope that my consistent inconsistency will make sense to him in the future.  Let’s not forget that one of the best principles that we can teach our children, and for that matter, live by ourselves, is respect for others’ ideas and practices.  It is not easy to tell our children no, especially when we secretly think they are right, but it is important to do so when they are violating another household’s rules.  I have the task of teaching my son that he will experience many different sets of rules and that part of functioning in society is understanding when and how to act in different situations.

I remember from my own childhood having to grapple with the same inconsistencies and carrying around resentment for the conflicting rules.  My parents were not so much about the “why,” but more about the “do.”   I am thankful that my son is growing up in an era where explaining things to your child is looked upon as a matter of course.  I will, unlike my own parents, carefully explain why certain behavior is correct in different situations, instead of telling him, “That’s just how it is.”  But I firmly believe that in the end I will, like my parents before me, successfully instill (with a few embarrassing moments for all, of course) the necessary understanding of social graces and respect for others that will get him labeled “such a good child.”  After all, we do not live just in our own homes, but ever increasingly as citizens of “the world.”  Let us equip our children to do the same—but maybe still also get the thrill of throwing the football in the house with Dad on a fun Sunday morning.

-An “Underprotective”  NYC Parent

Of course, it’s laughable when the robber claims “Mine!” about the goods in question, but it represents a crucial first step toward articulate self-expression and negotiation.  We want to coax our kids out of their adversarial stance into something a little more humane, urbane, and, well, sane.  “Mine!” is the simplest articulation of wanting, and a critical step in the progression toward “Me too!”, “Can I have a turn?”, or, best yet, “Let me know when you’re done with that, okay?”  We all know what it’s like to want something and it’s our job as grown-ups to help our children use language to get it.  They must view language as the means to express what they want and negotiate procuring it in light of what others want.

Encourage your toddler to speak as the means to resolve conflicts.  Give them opportunities to express what they are feeling.  Don’t be tempted to steer children off to some other distraction without getting to say what they have to say.  But also teach them that just because they want it doesn’t mean they are going to get it, or at least right now.  Above all, they need to see you model the right way to conduct themselves in interpersonal interactions.  Otherwise, they might model themselves after what they see on Jerry Springer or in Congress.