First, let’s face the ugly truth – screeching “Mine!” would be a behavioral upgrade for many of our preschoolers.  When we hear a young child patter over to a peer who is happily engaged in play with some fascinating object and NOT grab the goods, something already has been accomplished.  If just a snatch and run occurs, we’re still doing pretty well, since no toddler-on-toddler violence has been perpetrated.  Likewise, if “Mine!” comes in defense of a possession, we can be glad mouths are being used for words, not biting.

Of course, it’s laughable when the robber claims “Mine!” about the goods in question, but it represents a crucial first step toward articulate self-expression and negotiation.  (more…)

I had another stare-down with a street-boss.  I was letting my daughters walk on the icy snow piles along the curb as we made our way to the park for sledding, and a friendly, neighborhood Volunteer Parenting Advisor stopped us for a moment.  You know who I mean; one of those generous souls that come up to us on the street and grace us with unsolicited pearls of parenting wisdom.

She approached with the friendly, open body language that says “I want to tell these children how cute they are.”  She said something indecipherable to the girls with a smile on her wrinkled face.  They smiled back with their best “I have no idea what you said, but, yes, we are quite cute – bye now” expressions.  Then she turned her frosty glare on me and I realized she was going to zap me.  She asked me if the sleds I was carrying were for the girls. A deer in headlights, I replied that they were, at which point her evidence collecting phase concluded and I stood guilty, guilty, guilty before the judge.  Those girls should not be walking on the ice; they will slip and fall.  They should not be going sledding; it is too cold out.  Besides, they will fall and get hurt. (more…)

On a recent drive past the urban mega-cemetery where the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway intersects the Long Island Expressway, my five year old exclaimed “Look, a stone forest!”  It was a wondrous, important place in her eyes, and though she had visited graveyards, she had never taken in such a striking panoramic view of one.  Having officiated at several of her own pet funerals in her brief career as a thinking, feeling being, she exhibited a comfortable somberness at the sight.  I could see her lips move slightly as she attempted to count in hushed amazement the innumerable headstones rocketing past our view.  “What are all those stones for, Daddy?” (more…)

We want our kids to succeed, not just because of our obligation to provide them with good lives, but because we love them and want them to be happy.  So, how much parental intervention is warranted in the face of a growing teen’s natural ups and downs, successes and failures, joys and sorrows?  Where do we draw the line and maintain control of decision-making for our kids while we’re simultaneously nurturing their capacity for independent decision-making?  (more…)